Welcome to a day in my life. I can't guarantee that this will be an exciting read for anyone. My life is filled with all the mundane activities of a stay-at-home-mom just trying to raise her three sons to be the best men they can be.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Yesterday I took Matt out to shop for some desparately needed new clothes. After a successful trip we started heading out of the mall to the van. Matt was walking a little ahead of me with his bags. He wasn't doing anything overly inappropriate (although I couldn't see him from the front.) As I got to the doors (Matt had already passed through them) I noticeds a group of 4 kids (maybe around 13) sitting on the floor laughing and making comments... obviously about Matt. As I continued to walk, I made eye contact with them and they stopped. I noticed there was a mother with them, who I also made eye contact with. As the door shut behind me there was a huge burst of laughter that came from the group. The thing that struck me the most is that the adult in the situation did nothing to stop their behaviour.

Before you think I'm over-reacting, I've had this happen many times over the past years. I remember one time when we were watching one of the boys playing hockey, there were two boys who started making fun of each hockey player on the ice as they passed by. The father who was sitting with them said nothing. After a few minutes of listening to this, I glared at the boys and the father. Then he started telling them to be quiet.

It's bad enough that kids (and I'm talking about older kids who should know better) will treat others with this kind of disregard, but then the adults don't step in and put a stop to it. It's no wonder that there are so many mean kids in this world. As a mother of a boy who has been on the receiving end of these kids all his life, I'm getting a little fed up with it. I'm the one who has to do the damage control and try and mend the wounds that will always leave a scar. My son deserves more than being treated like that.


  1. I'm sorry to hear you and your son had this bad experience today. And I totally agree with you on the parent thing. I don't get it either. It starts when they're young though ... like when parents bring their preschoolers to hockey and then don't watch them as they run up and down the concrete stands and throw balls everywhere ... and other parents have to step in to keep those kids safe. So I suppose those kids grow up and have parents who stay quiet when they display rude and inappropriate behaviour. I don't have a solution of course, I'm just sorry your son was on the receiving end of a bad upbringing (that sounds weird - you know what I mean, right!!).

  2. I hate when I stumble upon people like that! How do you want kids to learn something when the adult with them finds those kind of actions funny. Grrr! I'm sorry that your son and yourself had to go through that. :(

  3. I know kids can be cruel without much prompting from anyone else, but I wouldn't be surprised if they've heard their parents saying the same kinds of stuff about other people.

  4. Nat's right... it starts young. For me, it started at the indoor playground in the toddler area. Parents who leave their kids to run around and pick on or push in front of other kids. I was always one to step in when my own kids were out of line... "Wait your turn! Gentle hands around the little ones!" etc. But what you witnessed today was one step beyond.

    Parents like the one you saw yesterday need a good dose of Barbara Colorosso. I don't agree with EVERYTHING she says (because, lord knows, I'll never be THAT perfect of a parent! rofl), but her message "just because it's not wrong doesn't make it right" is something EVERY parent ought to teach their kids. Unfortunately, there are a LOT of parents who never learned that lesson themselves. :S

    Barbara, you are a strong woman, and you've raised three kind, compassionate boys. It's tough at times like this, but you have to know you are doing the right thing. As mothers, we wish we could protect them from such awful experiences... it hurts us almost as much as it hurts them. Biggest hugs to you.

  5. i can't say anything for the parents - but i have to come to learn that often the "cool" kids in high school who would pick on the other kids, are often the ones who become big losers in life. facebook has just re-inforced that for me.

  6. By enlarge the lives our children are like a garden. We attempt to plant pleasing aromatic flowers. Though the flowers are planted, the garden still needs ongoing attention as weed seeds fly in threatening to take hold and choke the garden. The weeds have to be gently removed without destroying the flowers we planted.

    There are stretches where the garden will bloom and grow with little attention. Other times call for constant watering and attention due to an unfavorable environment.

    Unfortunately too many parents toss their plants wildly, or plant the garden and then walk away. When the garden flops they should not be surprised.

  7. Here, here to all of the comments! Another thought people (society) do not realize that making rude comments and laughing at someone is a form of bullying. It is also not too far of a step for those kids to physically push and so on if they think it is acceptable to make rude comments and laugh at others.

    That mom would probably be the first person to tell off another if their child was ever wronged in any way! They get upset at other people's behaviour with their children and do not see their role in their own children's behaviour.

  8. Your post made me very sad today. I know exactly how you feel. I have a daughter that is the brunt of it most days and I'm the one that has to pick up the pieces of her broken heart and hurt feelings at the end of a bad day. I spoke to a parent once about how her child treated mine unkindly for no reason at all and was looked at as if I were road kill. I truly believe that behavior is learned and that learning starts at home. When I see children doing things I often think of what occurs within the walls of their homes.

    These days I just rise above it because I'm saddened by the fact that people that speak up for their children are looked upon as the ones with the problem.

    Stay Strong Barb


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