Universal Truths

I saw this posted on one of the boards I go to and just had to share it here. Some of these are too funny!!!!

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. (OK, who could I trust with this job??)
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. (but I'm never wrong!, LOL!)
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. (can I make up for them now?)
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. (d'ya think?)
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? (OK, seriously ... how do you do it? It's hard to store a balled up sheet)
6. Was learning cursive really necessary? (It's sad to say, but I think my 13 year old will reach adulthood still not being able to do this ... but then again, he has fine-motor issues.)
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. (hahahahaha!)
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. (OK, am I getting old or what? I actually read these for the first time yesterday ... I don't know why.)
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. (I do. It was 21 years ago ... before getting pregnant with my first.)
10. Bad decisions make good stories. (and I could write a book ... but they really aren't that interesting. Maybe I'm making the wrong kind of bad decisions)
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. (as a stay at home mom I know the moment I open my eyes if it's going to be an unproductive day ... and they are happening more and more frequently. Shhhhhhh!)
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. (What's Blue Ray. ...OK I know what it is, but we're refusing to bite.)
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. (...am I the only one who will sit there for a few minutes to check to see if I really did make changes?)
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever. (nah, I like to see what happens if I do wash it and throw it in the dryer. Live on the edge people!)
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? (hahahahaha! payback!)
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. (is that what we're supposed to look like when we leave the house? I missed that memo.)
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. (yes, I'm a call screener and I'm proud of it)
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. (but think of the stories you won't be able to tell later)
21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it. Some songs strike me like that too!
22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. (Hey, me too!)
23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text. (gasp!!!! Red lights are for checking my make-up)
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? (how many times have I been caught nodding and smiling and pretending that I understood)
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an ass from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! (but there's always a week link)
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. (just ask my boys! argggg!)
28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year? (no, it's not just you.)
29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. (is that before or after the laughter erupts?)
30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. (except for the very few times that I'm on a bike)
31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. (yah, and ...)
32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time! (not my 17 year old who can sleep through the annoying alarm that forces the rest of us to get out of bed, go to his room and turn it off while yelling at him.)